The Theory of Love Languages

Do you ever feel like your loved ones just don’t get how much you care, even though you’re always showing it? Perhaps you gave someone a gift, and they don’t seem to appreciate it like you wanted them to. Or someone always tries to be physically close to you, but you prefer a little distance. These feelings of neglect or frustration are common within relationships, and these out-of-sync dynamics are answered by Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages, where his theory of love languages helps decipher these differences. In his book, "The 5 Love Languages", first published in 1992, Chapman claims that each form of affection is like its own language, and that being aware of your loved one’s love language can strengthen bonds between individuals.  Within his book, Chapman defines five love languages: acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. His theory is that by using the most prominent of the languages, called a person’s primary and secondary love languages, you can show your loved one that you care, whether it be in a romantic, platonic, or familial relationship. Even with Valentine's Day having passed, there’s always time to show affection to your loved one, and learning a little more about the theory of love languages may be worth your while to elevate your relationships.

Acts of Service:

Acts of service is the rarest love language, with an estimated 11.8% of people having this as their primary language. Acts of service refers to nice things you do for your loved one, which they would have wanted you to do for them. For many, a person they trust doing acts of service for them is a way to relieve stress, taking some weight off their shoulders. This also promotes appreciation and affection, since individuals with this love language tend to notice small acts and the intentions behind them. Some examples of simple acts of service would be:

• Cleaning the house
• Running errands
• Doing laundry
• Washing dishes

Receiving Gifts:

Those who resonate with this love language make up an estimated 12.6 percent of the population. A person whose love language is receiving gifts would view these gifts as a symbol of love, care, and affection. While the tangible gift is important, these people tend to appreciate more of the effort and time that you put into the gift. Contrary to popular belief, your loved one being receptive to receiving gifts does not mean that the gifts need to be expensive or lavish. People with this love language tend to remember and treasure even the smallest of gifts. It’s the thought that counts.

Physical Touch:

People who have physical touch as their primary love language make up about 15.4 percent of the total population. These people enjoy being close to their loved ones, and show their love through touches and physical interactions. Some simple examples of physical touch are:

• Hugs
• Holding Hands
• Sitting together
• Leaning against someone

Words of Affirmation:

18.5 percent of people are receptive to words of affirmation as their primary love language. Chapman characterizes words of affirmation to be verbal communication which is encouraging, loving, and appreciative. These people pay attention to words and language choices, enjoying things like compliments, or even encouraging text messages.

Quality Time:

Finally, the most common love language in the world is quality time, with a whopping 41.6 percent of people. The definition of quality time is not just sitting together and watching a movie, it’s uninterrupted time spent with your loved one. This can be through hanging out, eating together, and having conversations where both parties are engaged and talking. Spending quality time with someone truly shows that you care about them, and for people receptive to this love language, small moments become

lasting memories.

Overview:

Overall, Chapman states that the 5 love languages can help bridge the differences between people in different relationships. By understanding your loved one’s love language, you can show affection in ways they’ll truly appreciate and even reciprocate. Although this is just a theory, it’s interesting to learn more about it, and even see which category you fit into.